I still have more to say today...

I realize that so far, I've only really written about the incident on this blog. I want to clarify though, that I know there is a lot more to life than what I'm experiencing right now. There are bigger problems in the world that many people face each and every day. I do not think this is the end all, be all. I realize that my life is a blessing and that I have people who love me, a job, a place to live and my health.

I guess I'm writing about this because for me, at this very moment, this incident has a bit of a grasp on my life. There are a lot of different areas of my life it touches on. From a work perspective, I can't drive to go visit my clients. From a personal perspective, I can't drive up to visit my parents, and I'm overall dependant on friends and the TTC to get around.

It's also unfortunately had a physical impact on me. I've gained weight since the incident. Some people react to stress by not eating at all, others will eat more 'comfort food.' That, coupled with the fact that I'm not going to the gym, has resulted in probably 8-10 lbs of weight gain for me which has devestated me. I feel so fat and ugly. It's like there is this general layer of puffiness around me that I want to rip off with a knife. I'm even more conscious about this right now because I'm sort of getting to know someone and I can't help but feel so grossly unattractive and large. My goal after I get back from my business trip this week, is to kick things up a notch. Hopefully by next week I'll know my fate and will be far less stressed. I plan on jogging then, every day until I get my license back. There will be no need for comfort food and so I'll go back to a healthier way of eating and living. I just need to be consistent. Right now, I hate looking in the mirror at times, and I can't help but wonder if he wasn't slightly dissapointed when he met me. I get that it couldn't have been that bad, I mean we are still talking after all. But still, maybe he thinks the fat girl is sweet and so he'll at least give it a chance? I don't want to be the sweet fat girl though. I'd rather be the sweet, sexy girl ;-)

Bah.