Writer's Block

I dont' get why I can't just write anymore. There are thoughts inside me that I could express, but I either speak to someone about them, or I have my own conversation in my mind until they are at rest. For the life of me, I cannot put them to paper. I feel like Austin Powers when he lost his mojo.

My last entry was on January 31st, 2008; a week after my incident. It's March 23rd today; exactly 59 days since the incident. My fate has yet to be decided - the lawyer hopes to have it all wrapped up by this Friday however I get the feeling it may take a week or so longer. March break, Easter long weekend, people getting stabbed - all of these things have an impact on how quickly the Crown will respond to the request to settle.

How much has my life changed? Well, I will tell you that I have an extreme and sincere appreciation for pedestrians and those that take the TTC. Having to take the bus into work was surreal for me the first few weeks. Now I'm use to it - I've familiarized myself with all of the various routes I need to know to get to my usual spots. I couldn't help but laugh last night though, as I waited outside for the bus. I waited 23 minutes, had I driven to my destination it would have taken me 16. I'm certainly more patient.

I made a conscious decision to not tell too many of my friends or family members about the incident. It's a bit of an embarassment really. It's funny how I continue to hang out with people and they have no idea I'm not parked on the other side of the lot, and that after I watch them leave, I jump into a cab or walk over to the bus stop. It's like I have this dirty little secret that I'm keeping all to myself. Those closest to me, and those that need to know, know. Everyone else thinks its life as usual. It will be, in four short weeks. I've made it two thirds of the way. I've had several moments of anxiousness and many, many epiphanies, but I've also had a few moments of extreme happiness and most recently, some child-like giddiness nestled between the stress.

More on that, later :)